Two very different Thanksgivings

Well, I never knew that Thanksgiving could be so depressing. Or could make one so bitter and angry. But when one's husband is 13 and leaves town to go home to his mommy and one is left abandoned with the children and a home that is falling apart from years of neglect because he was too damn busy on the internet with his various girlfriends over the last 10 years, one tends to become angry. Very angry. And that is where I am.

It all started on Wednesday when the old dog (Pudding) had an unplanned meeting with the new dog (Ginger) at the front door because she had gotten out of the gate. This is the gate that has been broken for, oh, maybe 3 years, and said husband has refused to spend the money to fix. So he has patched it here and there and it never holds. Well, Pudding was none too happy to find out about Ginger this way, and it did not go well. So now the garbage can that I have to empty every week is outside blocking the gate instead of in the garage where it should be. Believe me, the gate will be fixed this week.

Then the real stuff hit the fan. On Thanksgiving morning, our home was 65 degrees, and the pilot light to the heater was out. So I got to call another woman's husband away from his family on Thanksgiving day to come show me how to light the pilot light. Because my &$^#$% husband is at his mommy's getting his laundry done, and, later on he called to say he had been out riding 4-wheelers. How fun! So over the course of 2 days the pilot light went out 3 times, and the temperature dropped to 55 degrees. Finally by Friday afternoon I found someone to fix it, and praise God, he didn't even charge me.

But we're not done. I spent all day Friday calling credit card companies to find out if I can get my name off the cards and vice-versa in case my husband decides to go on a spending spree. Also, my state is the kind that just splits everything down the middle in a divorce, including debt, and I don't really feel like financing this vacation from reality of his for the rest of my life. So guess what goes next? Yep, the DSL connection. Now I'm waiting 4 days for a new modem before I am back up online again. Right now I'm at a friend's house because I so need to vent.

So he shows up today and I refrain from spewing venom all over him until I talk to my counselor on Monday. Once I spew, I know that it may be over. But I did mention the heater, and did he show any concern? For me? For his children? None at all. Not one question about how we stayed warm, how we got it fixed, what happened, nothing. Nada. Zilch. Who is this monster that I've been married to? I just can't believe it! Has it been this way a long time and I just didn't see it? I feel so neglected in that so much of this stuff was not taken care of before. A lot of it he "never had time for," yet now I know where he was spending all his time.

And how do people "do" this separation thing? He's signed a 6-month lease! I can't wait 6 months for him to figure out what to "do" with me! I'm not disposable, like meat in the freezer waiting to be thrown out! I just can't stand the thought of waiting around while he takes a vacation from all responsibility - while he stays up nights online, watching movies, playing video games, etc. like a pre-teen. While I'm taking care of the kids, the house, and making all the decisions. How do people DO this?

Yes, I'm angry. And I'm going to blow. And I never dreamed that it would happen so soon. And I'm worried about his response. And yet I'm not. I don't know that I really care what a 13-year-old thinks.