Well, it has been 1 week from tomorrow, yet it seems like an eternity. Only 1 week ago that he told the kids and my family fell apart. I don't think I'll ever forget the look on my 8-year-old's face. Is was a contorted look of pain and fear and disbelief, all wrapped up in trying not to cry and trying to be strong. And then he just lost it and ran from the room crying. It will forever be etched in my memory, I'm afraid, as the day his hero broke his heart.
My daughter, who is 6, just couldn't quit asking, "Why? Why?" over and over again, as she clung to me and cried, and I had no words to tell her. What could I say? Because your Daddy is running away? Running from conflict? Running from God? Running from himself? How can I possibly answer this when I still don't know the answer myself?
I really thought that Friday and Saturday when he actually moved out would be the worst, yet it's taken us all week for the reality to set in that he's really gone, and the pain is just getting worse. I almost hurt physically. I hurt for my children, I hurt for myself, I hurt for the wasted years, I hurt for the facade that our marriage has been and I never even knew it. I hurt for the ripple effect his sin is having on others around me - for my friends who are prostrate crying and praying for my family, for my children's friends who are learning that such a thing as a Daddy's leaving can really happen in this world. All because of one man's choice to run. And he's running full speed ahead into the darkness. And that's what scares me the most. How far will he have to go before he realizes that the darkness will not fill the hole in his heart?
2 comments:
I am so sorry for all you are going through. Thanks for visiting my blog. We're at similar places it seems, though I still hope for reconciliation. You are done, for sure?
I'll keep checking in - hope you do the same.
I found you through Witch Box. I hope that you and your kids have some fun this weelend. I'm in Tx too. And will be back to read more about you.
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